faith, Life

The Narrative of Distraction

We all have a story to tell - one overarching story of our lives. Within each narrative lies mini-stories..png

Everybody has a story to tell, right? This one…well, it reminded me of someone, some ones that I have crossed paths with in my lifetime.

I first typed the words above on February 13, 2018.

Why I stopped I can’t remember now, on March 29, 2018. I read the entire story and was so moved by it that I started to write. Write words that cluttered my mind as I recalled people just like Jackie.

Distraction set in.

And it became my story.

Upon many stories.

We all have a story to tell – one overarching story of our lives made up of narratives that shape who we are today. The older we get, the narratives seem as endless as the stars. They are our experiences, if you will, that shape us not only when we are young, but as we mature and age.

**interruption**

I stopped writing again.

Today, on April 2, 2018, I’m attempting to write…again, again.

What is it about writing lately seems so hard? I chalk it up to my over-analytical mind. I am constantly thinking, pondering and well, yes, I’m sorry to admit – worrying.

What if this? What happens when? Why can’t? How will I? If this happens, then I need to… But, if something else happens, then… 

The brain does not like to shut off. Constantly thinking. Constantly analyzing. Constantly playing the “what if” game. Constantly living in the possibilities so I am prepared for anything. Can’t afford to be caught off-guard. Can’t afford to be surprised when something happens.

SAY WHAT?!?!

Yeah, you heard me.

I don’t like the whole “expect the unexpected” way of living. Perfect expectations meeting imperfect reality can be soul-crushing.

People will fail you.

Let that sink in.

People, including yours truly, will fail you.

We are imperfect beings, imperfect creatures and we will falter, disappoint, hurt, anger, ignore and fail YOU! We will do that to each other because none of us are PERFECT! Take it from a former perfectionist. Perfection ain’t happening in/for/through anyone on this planet. 

Perfect expectations will always be met by imperfect reality. Yet, knowing that, some of us still cling to perfect expectations in not only ourselves, but others. We want the ideal life, world. We want to do what we want, how we want, wherever/whenever we want and with whomever we want. 

And we don’t want to be told no/can’t/don’t/never.

You’re losing me here, Sunny!

Life interruptions. 

We all have our ideals of what life should be, what it should look like for us, as individuals. When something comes in or happens to us that interrupts that ideal, we lose it. 

How? Good question. It’s not the same for everyone. In that story link I shared, Jackie’s life was interrupted. Multiple times. His life has taken a turn.

Earlier, I mentioned how I was interrupted in writing this post. At the moment, I’m a mix of emotions: sadness, anger, joy, confusion, contentment. That interruption lost ME writing this, let alone you in reading to this point. 

*sorry about that*

For today, that's my story. Tomorrow holds a story all its own.

What I continue to realize is that the process that is life can be both peaceful and chaotic. Joyous and frustrating. Confused and contented. 

Maybe that doesn’t make sense to you right now. But, in time, it will. With God’s help, you can get through anything. 

30 minutes ago I was crying. Just before that I was praying. And singing. I was flowing in-between all of those emotions. Life can be heavy. While some turn to drugs (see Jackie’s story), drink, sex, power, money or whatever, I turn to music.

Not always (remember I’m not perfect). But, music has always been a sort of salvation for me. 

So, I sang. I prayed. I cried. Every distraction was gone in that moment. I was just there with God. 

There was no voice from heaven. No still, small quiet voice either. I was just…there. He was too. 

I felt love and peace. 

The mind is in overdrive again. Distractions are rising up. The questions have returned:  

What if this? What happens when? Why can’t? How will I? If this happens, then I need to… But, if something else happens, then… 

For today, that’s my story. Tomorrow holds a story all its own. 

What’s your story today? 

Knees down, Prayers Up, 

Sunny