Spoiling the Soul

On November 8, I will have been married for 27 years.

Good Lord!!!!

27 years? That’s nuts.

From the little girl who said she would never get married to 27 years, stuck…err, I mean…blessed with the same man. The notion boggles my mind.

Yet…here we are.



I think I’ve become a devotional junkie.

At any given time, I have at least four devotionals I am reading/listening to at a time. I’d like to say I do them every single day, but, alas, I’m not that disciplined. Regardless of my consistency, I can have up to eight going at a time. Why? Umm, not to sound flippant, but because I can.

I find one that appeals to me, so I start it. Having the Bible app on one’s phone makes it pretty easy to multi-devotional. (Is that a phrase?) It’s perfect for my brain – a brain that goes 100 mph every single day.

One of the more recent ones I’ve been reading is one on marriage.

My marriage is fine y’all. In fact, it’s never been better. But, it hasn’t always been that way.


Spoil her soul with words… 

~ Leo &  Susanna Bigger (Refresh Your Marriage in 31 days)

The devotionals run the gamut.

Leadership, storms of life, faith, prayer, music, religion, science, biblical understanding and yes, marriage. When I’m reading, I try to come into it, expecting. Expecting to learn something new. Expecting to gain a new perspective.

Last week, I wasn’t disappointed with what I learned from the one on marriage.

Truth be told, this particular day was talking to the guys. And yes, it was on communication. The power of words.

Hmm. Where have I heard that one before?

The devotional emphasized how important not only words are for women to hear from their husbands but the kind of words. There was some emphasis for women to men too, but one particular section caught my eye.

Spoil her soul with words, be poetic.

The poetic part I could do without. But, the part about spoiling the soul – that’s a WOW concept. 

Visualize that for just a moment. 

When you think about “spoiling” someone, what do you think of? I think of giving someone everything I can. That could mean through gifts, time together, doing things they want to do, taking them places. Just loving them to the best of my ability. 

Not to the point of spoiling them rotten or creating a spoiled brat. Building them up with actions and love. 

Now think of this concept in deeper terms. 

Every word we speak while together. Every word we say about them when not together. Every word we write to them in text messages or chats. Every word we think about them. 

Building them up to their very core, their inner-being that defines who they are.

Spoiling their soul. 


Words have impact. 

I can remember things that were said to or around me as a child and teenager that still resonate with me today. 

They don’t control me like they used to, but I still remember them. 

My husband and I have said things to each other that absolutely didn’t spoil each other’s souls. One could say they nearly destroyed the other’s soul. 

Such is the nature of relationships. 

Two people. Different life experiences and upbringings. Opposite ways of communicating. Coming together in a relationship?

Yeah, it’s been a challenge. 

I remember hearing someone say that the best way to get over yourself is when you get married. The second best way is when you have kids. We had both from the get-go, but we weren’t exactly ready to get over ourselves

Ups and downs. Discontentment and strife. Silence and words. 

We definitely didn’t spoil each other’s souls. One could even say we wounded each other’s souls. Almost to the point of beyond repair. 

Yet, here we are. 


Death and life are in the power of the tongue,

And those who love it will eat its fruit.

Proverbs 18:21 (NKJV)

Our words now are more purposeful. More intentional. More measured. 

That’s not to say we don’t think in other ways.

I’m sure if I let him, my husband could tell you what he really thinks of me when I question his handling of a situation or thought process. Not that I do it intentionally, but my brain works one way and his another. 

We’re learning. Even after 27 years, we’re still learning to communicate with each other. 

Some might think that’s a horrible place to be and perhaps they’re right. Then again, I like to think of it as staying young and active and alive. 

I like learning, thus my penchant for studying multiple devotionals. I like learning how to communicate with my husband. It can be a painful process, but it is necessary. 

My hope is that I am learning to bless his soul with my words. My hope is that he blesses my soul with words. 

I hope I am blessing my children’s souls with words. I hope I am blessing others around me, either face-to-face or online or phone, with my words. 

We have to be present with our words. We have to be in the moment with our words. Words are cheap and easy to say. We can say the wrong thing in the “right” moment and damage another’s soul. Or vice versa – right thing/wrong moment. 

A pastor I knew once said it like this, “Even when you’re right, you can be wrong”. 

The words we speak – death and life lies in the power of the tongue , remember – can speak LIFE into someone. Spoiling another’s soul with our words can bring LIFE to them, their circumstances, their mindset.  

What kind of relationships would we have in this world if we simply sought to spoil someone’s soul with our words? 

What kind, indeed. 


Knees Down, Prayers Up