You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book?
When I cry out to You,
Then my enemies will turn back;
This I know, because God is for me.Psalm 56:8-9 (NKJV)
Today was my birthday. For many people, excitement abounds when their birthday rolls around each year. I don’t fuss about mine. I’d rather bless others on their day than anyone make a fuss over mine.
This year’s birthday was a bit different.
I took a trip for my birthday this year. I’d been wrestling with it for a while, but I pulled the trigger and flew to Michigan. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but I planned it around my birthday.
The older you get, well, I’m one of those that isn’t all about birthdays these days.
It’s not that I mind getting older. I don’t know what it is, but birthdays are just not an event.
*
More than a month after my birthday, I’ve been thinking about these last two lines and asking myself why birthdays aren’t a big deal to me.
I mean, as a kid, I loved my birthday. It was in the summer, toward the end of school – my birthday was usually right around the cut off time for school letting out. My friends and I were ready for school to end, but we weren’t quite ready for not seeing each other every day.
A birthday party was almost like an end of school bash…albeit with presents for me!
That same feeling I carried into adulthood, but somehow…I lost it along the way. Maybe it’s because I became a parent so young that kids birthdays mattered more? Somewhere I switched from loving my birthday to making others’ birthdays special for them.
There is nothing I love more than to give presents on birthdays, particularly for my family.
They all know me as a sap. When it comes to my kids and grandkids, well, I love making them feel special. I love making others feel special on their birthday. One of my kids said once that I love their birthdays more than they do.
They might be right.
I used to think it was because my love language is ‘gifts’, but that isn’t the case anymore. That love-language-ship sailed long ago. I just enjoy making people feel special on their special days.
But I lay here in bed wondering…
I no longer want gifts. Somewhere I got this notion that if people don’t want to buy me a gift, that’s okay. If people call me on my birthday, that’s great. Phone calls or text messages are always a nice gesture. Heck, even a LinkedIn birthday message means something to me.
I just don’t want to be forgotten….on my day.
Sigh.
That’s a hard thing to admit. And it’s something I have felt a lot lately, sadly enough. There is just this gnawing in me that of all the days of the year, I just don’t want to be forgotten on my birthday. If someone gets it wrong, I will gladly give them grace. But there is a small part of me that hurts when that happens.
None of us wants to be forgotten.
I saw that up close and personal with my father-in-law before he passed away in October. He would write stories of his life. He loved to tell stories too. His biggest fear of dying was that people would forget him.
I get it. When I shed this earthly body, I know that I’ll eventually be forgotten in this world. Life goes on in whatever current state it is in. It’s just…my birthday…I don’t want to be forgotten on that day.
*
The dichotomy, however, is that I don’t want people to go out of their way to do things for me on my birthday.
How silly is that?
In my mind, it makes perfect sense. Maybe it’s because for years, with gifts as my love language, I expected gifts and I didn’t always get one. It wasn’t always affordable, so you have to adjust expectations. After a while, it was no longer my language.
Today, my love language is quality time.
They say that whatever you like to do, that thing is probably your love language. I’m not so sure. I like doing things for people – but my love language is definitely not acts of service. I’m not a big hugger, despite what some may think, so touch is definitely not my language.
Words, well, I am a writer, so I do like words. I think what and how people say words can affect me a great deal, so to some degree, words might be a secondary love language.
Time, though. When someone takes time out of their life, to spend it with me in whatever loving manner they can…sigh. That means so much to me. That means I matter to them. I am a priority…
That kind of feeling is indescribable.
*
Over this past month since my birthday, I wondered what God’s love language would be. Oh the mind was quick to say, “They are all His love language.” And that’s not exactly wrong when you think about it from Scripture. Let’s explore:
Quality Time: Oh how the Lord loves it when we come to Him, when we spend time with Him, when we seek Him, when we love, worship and praise Him.
James 4:8 – Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.
Jeremiah 29:13 – You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Words of Affirmation: Through our prayer we can attest to His goodness, faithfulness, kindness, gentleness, justice, etc, but Exodus 34:6-7 (NIV) puts it succinctly:
The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.”
Touch: We read and hear of God’s ‘touch’ through miracles, or we see His ‘touch’ in someone’s life turnaround. Someone or some thing is ‘restored’, we know it was the Master’s touch that did it. John 15:4 seals it for me:
Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me
Gifts: I immediately think of John 3:16 (NKJV) which famously says,
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
Father gave the greatest gift of all. His Son. And that Son made a way for us to have a relationship with God, the Father. What can we possibly give? Our hearts. Our lives. Our very selves. Daily.
Acts of Service: Again, Jesus’ whole life was an act of service to His Father. Luke 23:44-46
It was now about noon, and darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon, for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.”
Selah.
*
God has every love language. But did you know that His love language can be condensed into two?
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
I thought that this would be one of those seminal revelatory moments that would be, “Wow!” Nope. I didn’t think about that Bible passage once today. Until…now.
Instead, I had a pity party. The frustration of things happening around me and so I did what any Christian would do.
I binged on Netflix. It took my mind off of frustrations for a time, but, well, it did me no good.
In the middle of my pity party, I found myself with tears in my eyes because I knew what I “should” have done and I didn’t do it. Thanks Paul (Romans 7). Venting my frustrations to myself, I then began complaining to the Lord. Talking to Him about my supposed love language – quality time – and feeling as though “no one” understands that, He gently but lovingly said to me, “I want that too.”
Ouch!
The Lord was so kind and loving when He said it, so don’t get the “ouch” wrong. It’s an “ouch” that means, “Oh Lord, I’m sorry. You are so right. You want my time, my words, my service, my touch, and my gifts. You want all of me, every thing I have to give…You want that.”
He doesn’t just want us to visit Him on Sundays or His “birthday” (which isn’t His real birthday, but that’s another story). He wants a real relationship with us. We are His bride! He longs for His bride to be with Him. He longs for us to want to be with Him.
Birthday or no birthday, no one ever “wants” to be forgotten. Not even God.
You number my wanderings;
Put my tears into Your bottle;
Are they not in Your book?
When I cry out to You,
Then my enemies will turn back;
This I know, because God is for me.
Psalm 56:8-9 (NKJV)
God is for me. Time to go spend time with Him.
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Sunny Cadwallader 
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