Today is April 1. April Fool’s Day for some, but it is month-end for me. Every first of the month, I begin the not-really-pain-staking task of gathering data and reviewing analytics for the library of assets we have at my job.
I’m a Project Manager by day which includes the task of monthly reports for clients. We are a creative digital company that creates 2D and 3D/AR assets for our partners. Each month I have to look up each individual asset across available platforms and gather their corresponding data.
Did I mention the word “individual”? Yeah. Each… individual…asset…. sigh.
It is a lot of work, so it usually takes me a week to complete it. At times, it becomes monotonous, so I need something to keep me going. Today, it happened to be some Chuck Swindoll sermons. Swindoll is the pastor at Stonebriar Community Church in Frisco, TX. He is also the former president of Dallas Theological Seminary.
Swindoll has a fun, folksy, easy-listening way of teaching. They are very practical, yet they are steeped in the theological. As such, they can be challenging if it’s a topic I am walking through at that moment in my life.
That’s key for me. I want to be challenged. I want to grow. I want to learn more about the Bible, about Jesus, and how to walk this current life on earth.
Listening today, I am tuning in to his series on the seven letters to the seven churches out of the Book of Revelation. I do not remember which church Swindoll was teaching, but he mentioned Gideon. It was such a brief mention that the only thing I remember is Swindoll saying the name. For whatever reason, it caught my attention.
And then along came the rabbit-hole…
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Descending into a rabbit hole is nothing new for me. I can be cooking a recipe one minute and then diving into Instagram the next. Or I’m listening to a baseball game on the radio when suddenly I remember that I have laundry to do or a bathroom(s) to clean. Just today I was all set to do some online schoolwork when I remembered that I started this post and never finished…
Alas.
Chuck Swindoll mentioned the name “Gideon”. The first thought of some is probably the Gideon Bible that they may have seen in a motel room. Gideon is an actual person in the Bible. Feel free to read about him starting in the Book of Judges, chapter six.
But there is one portion of Scripture that caught my attention in chapter six.
11 Now the angel of the Lord came and sat under the terebinth at Ophrah, which belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, while his son Gideon was beating out wheat in the winepress to hide it from the Midianites. 12 And the angel of the Lord appeared to him and said to him, “The Lord is with you, O mighty man of valor.” 13 And Gideon said to him, “Please, my lord, if the Lord is with us, why then has all this happened to us? And where are all his wonderful deeds that our fathers recounted to us, saying, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up from Egypt?’ But now the Lord has forsaken us and given us into the hand of Midian.” 14 And the Lord turned to him and said, “Go in this might of yours and save Israel from the hand of Midian; do not I send you?” 15 And he said to him, “Please, Lord, how can I save Israel? Behold, my clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father’s house.” 16 And the Lord said to him, “But I will be with you, and you shall strike the Midianites as one man.” 17 And he said to him, “If now I have found favor in your eyes, then show me a sign that it is you who speak with me. 18 Please do not depart from here until I come to you and bring out my present and set it before you.” And he said, “I will stay till you return.”
Judges 6:11-18 (ESV)
Many a sermon has been written about Gideon, and his asking for a sign. Today, however, that’s not what leaped from the page. Verse 13 says,
And Gideon said to him, “Please, my lord, if the Lord is with us, why then has all this happened to us? And where are all his wonderful deeds that our fathers recounted to us, saying, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up from Egypt?’ But now the Lord has forsaken us and given us into the hand of Midian.”
That three-letter word, “why”.
There is such power in the word, “why”. According to Cambridge Dictionary, as it is used in this context by Gideon, it means “for what reason”. Here, Gideon is asking the angel of the Lord “why” God has allowed Israel to suffer as they have in the hands of their enemies (Midianites, Amalekites and other “people of the East”).
It is a logical question by Gideon then, and it is an especially logical question by many today. Logical, however, does not always mean that it is correct. But that’s a discussion for another day.
Notice in verse 14 that Gideon’s question remains unanswered.
13 And Gideon said to him, “Please, my lord, if the Lord is with us, why then has all this happened to us? And where are all his wonderful deeds that our fathers recounted to us, saying, ‘Did not the Lord bring us up from Egypt?’ But now the Lord has forsaken us and given us into the hand of Midian.” 14 And the Lord turned to him and said, “Go in this might of yours and save Israel from the hand of Midian; do not I send you?”
Having read this numerous times, and reading these words again, I was struck not just by the fact that the Lord did not answer Gideon’s specific question, but rather, it was the way God responded. His answer was a directive, a charge, a command, new instructions, whatever way you want to put it. God’s answer was not what Gideon was looking for.
Pondering this, it was as if the Lord was similarly answering some of my questions, only, mine was along the lines of “Can you live with it?”
Ugh. Thus begins my internal dialogue, or what I like to call mental gymnastics.
- “Can I live with what, Lord?”
- “What have you been asking me about?”
- “I have been asking you about a lot of things, Lord.”
- Silence
- “But Lord…”
- Silence
- “Lord, are you really going to do this to me?”
- Silence
- “Oh, Lord.”
If Olympic judging was available for mental gymnastics, I would get a 10 or whatever the best score is now under their current scoring system. I’m old-school, so it’s a perfect 10.
Reconciling what the Lord was saying to me through this passage, I concluded that Gideon probably had to wrestle with too.
Can I live with it? Can I live with not getting an answer from the Lord? Can I live with God not doing what I want Him to do in my situation? Can I live with God seemingly allowing “bad things” to happen? Can I live with God being God? Can I live with people I love hurting or suffering? Can I live with God not helping people the way I want Him to help? Can I live with the suffering in the world without Him intervening even though He could?
Can I live with it if nothing ever changes?
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That question. Oh my. That question hangs over me even as I type.
There are many people and situations that I have been praying over, some for decades, that have never come to pass. Believe me when I say that some are heart-breaking, gut-wrenching and sorrowful situations. I have been praying for quite a few people’s souls, their salvation, for many years, and yet there has been little to no change in their heart condition or mindset. I have been standing in faith for healing for some – trusting that they are in God’s hands – and have yet to see the earthly manifestation of it.
Gideon was asking the same type of why question so many have asked of God through our prayers and tears. God, why didn’t you __________?
I am so struck by God’s response, and it’s especially poignant for anyone thinking I’m saying, “Don’t ask why”. That’s not what I am saying, so let’s look closer.
First, in verse 12, He calls Gideon a “mighty man of valor.” Then, He follows it up in verse 14 with “Go in this might of yours and save Israel from the hand of Midian; do not I send you?” God didn’t chastise Gideon for asking why. He didn’t address Gideon’s question. He didn’t berate him for wondering or pleading his case.
No, in that moment, God gave Gideon his identity. He gave him his identity in verse 12 and affirmed it in verse 14. Gideon’s “why” question is sandwiched between God speaking to him about his identity.
Mind…blown.
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NOTE: Let me say this. I am still processing this as I type. There is something to that whole identity revelation for Gideon, but that’s a study for another day.
When the Lord asked me this question earlier, as my mental gymnastics dialogue above showed, I thought I had resolved this in my mind and heart.
God is sovereign. I trust Him, even when it doesn’t make sense. Even when I ‘cannot see His hand’ (Charles Spurgeon), I choose to trust Him. Yet, this story, that question ‘why’, shows me I still have a ways to go in trust.
Can I live with not knowing the answer to my why’s? Can I live with not seeing my prayers come to pass on this earth? Can I live with seeing God’s people, His church, turning on each other on social media and various video outlets, instead of praying one for another? Can I live with knowing why people have done things to me that were out of my control? Can I live with them not asking forgiveness? Can I live without being forgiven for things I have done to others? Can I live with not getting answers like Gideon, and yet, doing God’s will anyway?
Can I live with the uncertainty of it all? As I said in “His Sovereignty“,
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
PHILIPPIANS 4:7 (YLT)
Can you live with it?
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Sunny Cadwallader 
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