22 The crowd joined in attacking them, and the magistrates tore the garments off them and gave orders to beat them with rods. 23 And when they had inflicted many blows upon them, they threw them into prison, ordering the jailer to keep them safely. 24 Having received this order, he put them into the inner prison and fastened their feet in the stocks.
Acts 16:22-24 (ESV)
Last month, I attended a School of Worship hosted by Drs. Harry and Cheryl Salem. It is a 5-day intensive school that teaches and instructs students in the Bible and how it relates to worship.
I love attending these schools because it offers a couple of opportunities for me. One, I learn. I learn about worship in the context of God’s perspective of it through scripture. Second, I am able to serve in a capacity that utilizes the gifts that God has given me. I love it when I see others get understanding of who they are in Christ. I am there to encourage others to tap into who God sees them, and that they may be set free.
Serve and learn.
This past school, however, was one of the toughest weeks I’ve had in a very long time.
By week’s end, I was physically, mentally, emotionally and yes, spiritually exhausted. I’ve been worn out after a school before, but nothing like this. There were things happening in my life that presented a spiritual challenge.
It was a test of trust.
*
In my walk with the Lord, He has shown me many things about how I view myself. Like others, I’ve had to deal with issues of rejection, fear, and insecurity. How do you relate to a God who is perfect when you think of yourself as unworthy? When you think of yourself as if you don’t matter? When everyone else in your life has seemingly abandoned you?
Time.
Time is how I have dealt with those issues, be it how I view myself or others, or how others view me.
“What in the world does that mean, Sunny?” I am glad you asked. See, I could give you some Christian-y explanation. I could give you some practical non-Christian advice. But, each of those options would still require…time.
One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Psalm 27:14. It became a “life verse”, if you will, a long time ago. It says,
“Wait for the Lord;
NIV translation
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
There is our way of doing things and then there’s God’s way. His way doesn’t operate in our time frame. His way, at least for me, is about process. A step-by-step process that helps me to see areas of thinking that are negative or that don’t line up with what God says in the Bible. If God were to do it any other way – like, fix me all at once – I would miss a lifetime of relational moments with Him.
I don’t want to miss the opportunity to build on my relationship with God. So, I wait.
I wait for Him to show me things that need to be done or dealt with. I wait for Him to lead me down the right path. I wait for Him to hear me. Only, let’s be real here. God hears, but He doesn’t always respond to us in the way we want Him to.
How many know that any “process” requires time?
*
22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Ephesians 4:22-24 (NIV)
The desire to be like Jesus is real. We Christians tend to make it harder than it should be because, well, we are human. We’re human beings with our own minds and souls who have a free will to do anything we want. God made us that way.
But, when we say yes to Jesus as our Lord and Savior, the Holy Spirit is given to us, to live inside of us, to help us walk this earth life in a new way. God will not impose Himself on us without our consent. Holy Spirit does not operate like that. He speaks, but it is up to us to listen.
Thus, the importance of reading the Bible, studying it for ourselves, spending time with God in prayer, and telling others about what God has done and who He is in our lives is crucial. We cannot be like Jesus without spending time with Him in the ways He has provided.
Ahh, there’s that word. Time.
As it says in Ephesians 4, before Jesus (aka our “former way of life”), we had a life where we did things our way. We dwelt in a certain mindset based on our life experiences up to that point. We desired things that weren’t always in our best interest.
And if we lived our lives the way we wanted for any length of time, it’s going to take some “time” to “put off” or change from that old way of life.
It would be nice if we could change as soon as we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior, but God knows what is needed to make us more like Him.
Sigh…
*
I was questioning why I was at the school. I was questioning if I actually was hearing from the Lord. Maybe I missed Him telling me no, don’t go. Do I have any value? What about my kids, my grandkids, my husband? Am I praying enough? Where do I fit in? What church are we supposed to be at? What is my calling?
Am I being punished for something I missed or did wrong?
“Pray.”
Walking back and forth in my hotel room, all I could do was pray in the spirit. All the while I was clenching fists and shaking my head. I was trying to get out of this funk, this frustration, this helpless feeling that began to consume me.
“Pray in the spirit.”
Back and forth. Back and forth. Clenching and unclenching my hands. Shaking, then nodding my head.
“Paul and Silas.”
Acts 16:22 (NKJV)
Then the multitude rose up together against them; and the magistrates tore off their clothes and commanded them to be beaten with rods.
“The magistrates tore off their clothes…”
Arms lifted high in surrender to God, “I trust you, Lord.” Immediately, I felt a weight lift off of my very being. I took a deep breath and said it again, “I trust you, Lord.”
“Every time you say, “I trust you, Lord” you are shedding your garments. YOUR garments. The garments that you made and put on yourself. The garments that say you can fix the issues yourself. The garments that say you are in control. Those garments are made by you, but not by Me. I will clothe you as you put your trust in Me.”
In Acts 16, others stripped Paul and Silas of their garments. When I try to fix things on my own or try to control outcomes of situations, I am opening the door to letting others strip me of my garments. Stripping me of value, identity, purpose, place, position and meaning.
“I trust you, Lord.”
*
I’d love to say the situations/issues changed, but they didn’t. The issues themselves didn’t change, but how I viewed them did.
By saying, “I trust you, Lord” in the middle of a situation/issue/challenge/storm, I am yielding control to God. I’m releasing my clenched fists, my head shaking and nodding, any angst or anxiety I have over it – I’m casting “all my anxiety” (1 Peter 5:7) upon Jesus. He can handle it. The cross says He can. Time has proved Him to be trustworthy.
Trusting God without knowing the end result changed my outlook. A test was passed.
Four little words. One big God.
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Sunny Cadwallader 
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